Baywatch

There is a great dispute out there about what humanitys crowning achievement is. You know, that one perfect creation of art or science that defines us as a species, the thing wed bring to show and tell if there was a galactic equivalent of the UN and we were invited to join it.

Some would say that the Hubble telescope is the best thing weve ever made, even though its too far away to take good selfies. Others would argue that the collected works of Mozart are the most brilliant instance of civilization.

Wrong -- there are no drum solos, so Mozart is, objectively, bad. So what is the greatest thing ever?

Well, if you watched TV in the 90s, the answer to this question is a no-brainer. Its Baywatch, and to an equal extent its spinoffs Baywatch Down Under, Baywatch Hawaii, and the undeservedly short-lived Baywatch Nights.

Why is Baywatch better than, say, the Great Wall of China or the Polio vaccine? It is because it has David Hasselhoff, Carmen Electra, and Pamela Anderson, often all at once.

Film critics agree these actors define the pinnacle of their craft. Rumor has it that Francis Ford Coppola ordered all existing copies of The Godfather to be destroyed after he watched the pilot episode of Baywatch for only seven seconds, he was so embarrassed by his blatant amateurism.

If you know how to run in slow motion and want to pay respectful tribute to this godly television show, then our officially licensed Baywatch Lifeguard Costume is just for you. It has Baywatch patches to prove your allegiance to the show, and a little floatie.

Do not use the little floatie to try to save any ones life -- as an official piece of Baywatch memorabilia, it is far more valuable than life itself.

There is a great dispute out there about what humanitys crowning achievement is. You know, that one perfect creation of art or science that defines us as a species, the thing wed bring to show and tell if there was a galactic equivalent of the UN and we were invited to join it.

Some would say that the Hubble telescope is the best thing weve ever made, even though its too far away to take good selfies. Others would argue that the collected works of Mozart are the most brilliant instance of civilization.

Wrong -- there are no drum solos, so Mozart is, objectively, bad. So what is the greatest thing ever?

Well, if you watched TV in the 90s, the answer to this question is a no-brainer. Its Baywatch, and to an equal extent its spinoffs Baywatch Down Under, Baywatch Hawaii, and the undeservedly short-lived Baywatch Nights.

Why is Baywatch better than, say, the Great Wall of China or the Polio vaccine? It is because it has David Hasselhoff, Carmen Electra, and Pamela Anderson, often all at once.

Film critics agree these actors define the pinnacle of their craft. Rumor has it that Francis Ford Coppola ordered all existing copies of The Godfather to be destroyed after he watched the pilot episode of Baywatch for only seven seconds, he was so embarrassed by his blatant amateurism.

If you know how to run in slow motion and want to pay respectful tribute to this godly television show, then our officially licensed Baywatch Lifeguard Costume is just for you. It has Baywatch patches to prove your allegiance to the show, and a little floatie.

Do not use the little floatie to try to save any ones life -- as an official piece of Baywatch memorabilia, it is far more valuable than life itself.

If you're reading this, then you're probably part of the 98% of the population that is not blonde. Only about 2% of adults are naturally blonde.

2%! So how are we supposed to answer our research question and learn whether or not blondes really do have more fun with such a small sample size?

We guess well need to recruit fun-seekers like you to go and live as a blonde and report back. But dont worry, to offset such tough reconnaissance were offering this beautiful Blonde Supermodel Wig, so you can practice posing as a blonde in the chicest way possible.

We have a feeling that once you know what it feels like to be one of the golden-haired people of the Earth, youll have a hard time returning to real life. Good thing, then, that we need extensive data, and that youre such a natural!

Some people think the secret to being the biggest stud on the beach has something to do with having the biggest muscles, but those people are crazy. The key to being a stud on the beach is being a lifeguard.

When the girls see you all dressed up in uniform, ready to save lives, they start going nuts and run toward you in slow motion. Well, that's what we've learned from watching Baywatch anyways.

We can't teach you how to do CPR, or give you any lifeguard certifications, but we can hook you up with this sweet outfit, which is just as cool and it does make you look like the biggest stud on the beach (or anywhere else for that matter).

Many think thebeach is a carefree place where people can go to relax and enjoy the summer sun. It's also typical to assume that a tripto the beach means that an entire family can be happy.

Kids can build sandcastles, while teenswork on their tan, and parents can catch up on a good summer read. It may strike most as a pretty chill place, but the lifeguards aren't fooled.

They know that lots of fishy activities (no pun intended) can take place at the beach. In fact, mobsters have threatened the future of the beach before and it was up to the lifeguards to save the beach from total mayhem.

Being a lifeguard is more than just saving people who got carried too far out by the waves; sometimes it means saving theentire beach. If you think you're up for the job, and you're ready to don the iconic Baywatch uniform, then this costume is for you.

An updated version of the signature red bikini worn by famous lifeguards C.J.

Parker and Mitch Buchannon, this women's swimsuit costume features a frontzipper and the logo, "BAYWATCH" written down the sleeves. Do you think you're ready to grab a bright orange flotation device and a trusty whistle and start guarding the beautiful beach?

Well, we think you're ready, so suit up and meet Mitch down at the bay with the other recruits. It's a good thing you have a swimsuit because you'll need to swim the breaststroke for 300 meters in order to sit on the coveted lifeguard chair!